How To Forgive Your Loved Ones, Yourself Or Strangers: 7 Simple Steps to Let Go

Dear Readers, I do hope that the following article helps and uplifts you.

7 Simple Steps to Forgive Others & Yourself
By Connie Bennett, C.H.H.C.

No matter what your goals -- whether you yearn to feel free, become empowered, lose weight, be more loving or break a sugar habit, you may not be able to move forward or succeed until you forgive your loved ones, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, yourself or even strangers who harmed and wronged you, whether deliberately or unintentionally.

When you feel forgiveness in your heart, it's much easier to be happy, productive, accomplish your goals and be at peace with yourself.

During the Jewish New Year—a 10-day period for self-examination, atonement and forgiveness—I realized that I hadn't fully let go of the hurt, pain and sadness that someone special had caused me. Once it dawned on me that I hadn’t yet completely released my anger, disappointment and regret, I initially berated myself, but then I immediately created a plan to graciously pardon his affronts with dignity.

All of us—of every religion or belief—should be contrite and confront our sorrowful, hostile and critical feelings and thoughts head-on and then make amends. Not facing up to our emotions could lead us to overeat, gain weight, turn to sugar or alcohol, work too hard or develop other unhealthy habits. Denying our feelings also could cause us to withhold warmth, tenderness and love from our friends and family members. Then, we just won’t fully enjoy our lives.

Many of us don’t realize that by forgiving other people and ourselves, we’re really being compassionate and considerate of ourselves. But if we hang onto our bitterness and harbor grudges and don’t find it in our hearts to be forgiving and merciful, we’re cheating and betraying ourselves. Sure, it may feel right to hold resentment, ill will and hard feelings in our hearts, but we’re really committing a sin against ourselves.

So kindly absolving and pardoning another is really less about other people and more about being true, kind and respectful of yourself. Likewise, humbly and remorsefully atoning for your sins and transgressions against another is a way to give yourself the esteem and value you deserve.

Not forgiving someone else and not repenting for the wrongs you’ve committed can:

• Rob you of your power.
• Strip you of your dignity.
• Keep you trapped in anger, indignation and resentment.
• Make you feel helpless, stuck and  frustrated.
• Harm you physically or emotionally. 
• Turn you into a killjoy, who's unpleasant to be around.
• Keep you from moving forward to enjoy relationships or revel in your accomplishments.

On the other hand, forgiving someone else or yourself – and the flip side, asking for forgiveness – can:

• Free, heal, nurture and release you.     
• Fill you with lightness, compassion and good will.
• Lift your mind, spirit and soul.
• Ennoble, empower and enliven you.     
• Lift a tremendous load off your heart and spirit.
• Bring you closer to God or goodness (however you choose to look at it).
• Refresh, reward and renew you like nothing else can.

To really and truly forgive, one helpful approach is to begin to buy and read books from such renowned forgiveness experts as Dr. Fred Luskin, Everett Worthington, Gary Zukav and Rabbi Irwin Kula.

But until your book(s) arrive, you can take a fast track to forgiveness by embarking upon 7 easy steps that I developed, which spell out the word "Forgive."

• F -- Face the      facts. Own      up to the reality that you need to forgive another person or yourself. If      you don't accept the truth that that you're stuck in a bitter, unforgiving,      intolerant quicksand, you'll never get out of your rut to live a sweet,      fulfilling, enriching life.
• O -- Oust the      anger.      No matter if the person's offenses are imagined or real, you should hurry      to the starting line as if you're about to embark on a marathon. Even if      you feel that your anger is totally justified and the other person was in      the wrong, you should take the first step to shed your fury, resentment      and bitterness.
• R -- Remember      the offenses.      Recall exactly what bugged you so much and what you seek to forgive. Mind      you, I'm not suggesting that you wallow or stew in self pity. One of the      best ways to recount harms inflicted on you is to take a piece of paper      (or more, if needed) and write down all of your or another's      transgressions. For example, you could write: I fully and freely forgive      _____________ (person's name) for ______________ (spell out what the      person did). Then keep scribbling down all the things for which you      forgive that person. Your list could go on and on—the more items you cite,      the better—but do make sure that even if you rattle off 50 things to      forgive, you always state first “I fully and freely forgive _____________      for…” When you've finished your list, read it aloud—over and over, if you      like—and then take a match to it and burn it in the sink to symbolize your      breaking free with forgiveness. (This is very freeing, but please be      careful not to start a fire or hurt yourself!) By the way, if this step      still feels incomplete, you can repeat it again and again.
• G -- Give the      benefit of the doubt.  Realize that in most instances, the      person(s) who harmed you was probably just being either selfish or self-involved      and was not out to hurt you. If, however, she or he had underlying,      callous, unkind thoughts, then try showering that person with pity,      kindness and empathy. Looking at these "sinners"—or even      yourself—with this kind of no-holds-barred compassion and understanding      can help to release you.
• I --      Imagine what forgiveness feels like. By this, I mean that you should visualize      yourself breaking free with forgiveness. See how being pardoning helps      you. If you believe in the divine, pray to God for forgiveness, too. Then      create and repeat forgiveness affirmations or mantras (both out loud, when      alone, and internally) so that you can reach that blessed, blissful state.      One such forgiveness affirmation could be: “I fully and freely forgive      ______________ (person's name), and I am now released. Harmony, peace, joy      and good will reign supreme between _________________ (person's name) and      me.”
• V -- Value the      experience. Realize      that forgiveness can be powerful and effective. Pardoning      yourself and others is as important as eating nourishing foods, exercising      and believing in yourself. Acknowledge that letting go of your acrimony,      animosity and antagonism can completely alter and improve the course of      your life and ultimately bring you to a state of lightness and joy.
• E -- Embrace      forgiveness.      At this point, while you're entering into this joyous, merciful,      compassionate frame of mind, you should ask the other person for      forgiveness, too, if appropriate. Approaching another to apologize can      complete your 7-step forgiveness process. (If the person is no longer on      this earth, you may wish to imagine yourself humbly asking her or him for      forgiveness and the two of you reaching harmony and good will.)

I do hope that just reading these easy 7 steps to "FORGIVE" will already begin to ennoble, educate and empower you. Now, I invite you: Begin forgiving those folks who've affronted you. Remember, if you pardon someone, you’ll free up space in your heart and being for more wonderful things to arrive.

Connie Bennett, M.S.J., C.H.H.C. is author of the acclaimed book SUGAR SHOCK! (Berkley Books). Connie is a "Sugar Liberator" and liberation expert, a speaker, frequent TV and radio show guest ("CBS News Sunday Morning," "Oprah & Friends Radio," etc.), and a certified holistic health counselor. Back in 1998, Connie quit sugar and refined carbs on doctor’s orders, and her many baffling ailments completely vanished, including horrible headaches, crippling fatigue and “brain fog.” Now, Connie mocks her unsavory sugar past by jokingly dubbing herself an “Ex-Sugar Shrew!” She has helped thousands of people break free from the depressing, debilitating aftershocks of overloading on “culprit carbs.” She runs the popular SUGAR SHOCK! Blog (www.SugarShockBlog.com); hosts the Stop SUGAR SHOCK! Radio Show (www.BlogTalkRadio.com/stopsugarshock); and offers a Stop SUGAR SHOCK! Inner Circle Membership Program. Connie also is an experienced journalist and columnist, who has been widely published (The Los Angeles Times, TV Guide, eDiets.com, etc.) To learn if you've been brainwashed to become a sugar addict, take the SUGAR SHOCK! Quiz at www.SugarShockBlog.com. © Copyright 2007. Connie Bennett, www.SugarShockBlog.com